November 2015 Final Issue
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Speak To Me

Speak To Me - (click to play Nichole's song)     

(Verse 1) Speak to me Lord your words of truth I am so dirty to be anywhere near You Lead me to the wilderness And there speak kindly to me I am unworthy of your sweet tender mercy (Chorus 1) I will always praise You, my God I will always praise You, my King (Verse 2) Speak to me Lord who I am in You Remind me of old and how You've made me anew My soul returns to You Give my heart eyes to see Oh how You know me in my inner most being (Chorus 2) I will always praise You, my God I will always praise You, my King You'll always be my God And You'll always be my King (Bridge) I've spent so long in the desert Washing my hands in my own sin Oh, Please don't hide Your face I need Your saving grace to find me Only You are keeper of my soul (Chorus 3) I will always praise You, my God I will always praise You, my King Tell me of Your riches. Tell me of Your glory You are my strength, my rock, and my all Oh, I worship You, Lord, worship You Lord And You’ll always be, always be my King And You’ll always be, always be my God Copyright © 2012-2014 Nichole Toms --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Speak to me Lord! This was the cry of my heart when I wrote this song in November 2005. It was an invitation for the Lord to shed His light into a time of deep personal struggle. A very close friendship was on the verge of ending, and my heart was breaking to lose someone so dear to me. This friend began as my mentor and quickly became like a family member, but over the years our relationship had reached an unhealthy place. I knew deep down that it was the Lord’s will that this friendship end, but the grief over this loss was at times overwhelming. What’s interesting is that while this season was coming to an end, God was also preparing me to enter into a new season as I was pregnant with my first child. So on one hand, a relationship was ending and on another, a new relationship was beginning. My emotions (and probably hormones) were all over the map, and it became very difficult to see the truth in my circumstances. Did I handle things as God wanted me to? Could I have said or done anything differently? Am I prepared to be a mother? It was a time that quickly became a challenge to many beliefs that I had held my entire life, especially in the area of love. 2014-01_Image_Extra 1During this time, I was reading through the Biblical book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet of God whom the Lord asked to marry a prostitute named Gomer. Over and over Gomer committed adultery and broke the heart of Hosea. Here God was painting a picture for Hosea of the relationship between God and His people. The Israelites were continually turning away from God to idols because they did not know Him. The lies or half-truths the Israelites believed about God bred mistrust and unfaithfulness in their relationship creating a broken intimacy between them and God, their one true love. I had read Hosea in the past, but this time I was seeing this story with new eyes. I began to see the woven tapestry of a love story between God and His people–a God of love whose heart broke and yearned in compassion for those who continued to turn away from Him. I believe my perspective was different now because of my own broken relationship, and I was desperate to hear from God concerning my hurting heart. My prayer life definitely deepened during this time as I used song writing to pour myself out before the Lord. I gave Him all of my grief, uncertainties, fears, and struggles, and asked Him to speak His truth to me. The result was a song that interwove both my deepest pain and my study of Hosea into one masterpiece. I wrote “Speak to Me” from the perspective of an Israelite who had seen her wayward ways and was seeking to return to the Lord. However, it seemed that my own heart’s insecurities, though intermixed with some of God’s truth, were seeping in through the cracks. I wouldn’t realize until years later that God was preparing me in this desert time for deeper healing concerning His love and my identity. 2014-01_Image_Speak1Looking back at when I wrote this song, I too was much like Gomer and the Israelites. It never occurred to me then that I viewed aspects of God and our relationship incorrectly or that I was not living in my true identity. My prayer to “give my heart eyes to see” was indeed answered, I can see now that I was carrying around so much shame because I did not truly believe in my worth as a daughter of The King. I sought for love, value, and identity through friendships, my marriage, my work, and eventually my children. But my deeper longing through this song revealed my hidden desire to see the Father as He truly is and to see myself as I truly am. As I was writing this article, the Lord revealed to me a new truth. While in the midst of my grief, He was birthing in me His seed of joy. You see, my daughter’s name is Abigail, which means “My Father’s joy.” How sweet a gift of love He was sowing in me through my suffering. The last three years have been a journey of healing and freedom—one of seeing the whole truth about God and in turn being transformed into my true identity. I am overwhelmed by the unfailing love of the Father and His desire for true intimacy with me. To know Him and to be known by Him—anything less falls short of the abundant life that He has called me to. I cannot live in freedom if I have an incorrect view of The One who frees me. I cannot live in freedom if I live as someone other than who God has destined me to be. Who is God? He is Love. 2014-01_Image_Speak5Who am I? I am the Father’s daughter. I am a worship leader—a warrior for the very heart of God. He has created me to lead others through worship into a greater knowledge of who the Father is and who they are in Christ. As I penned the words, “I will always praise you my God, I will always praise you my King,” it is evident to me now that my true self was surfacing. No matter my circumstances or my feelings, I would choose to worship God. My purpose is to deliver the message of God’s love to His people, encourage them to seek truth, and worship the Greatest Lover of their souls. I believe one of the wisest things I have ever done was to invite the Lord into my pain, but I could not have done so had He not loved me first. He is the only One who can take my deepest struggles and transform them into something beautiful, whether that be a new song or a new love. His love brought me true healing and freedom, and it all began with a heart’s cry through song. Every day, His invitation awaits…for me to press on to know Him. I pray that my response may always be, “Lord, here is my heart…speak to me.”
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About Nichole Toms

Nichole Toms
Nichole is the Creative Director for The Kingdom Life Now. She also works as the Creator Director for a government subcontractor and has over 17 years in marketing, multimedia, graphic and web design. Nichole is currently a worship leader at Christian Fellowship Church (CFC) in Ashburn, VA. She has over 20 years experience as a worship leader, musician, and song writer. You can view her website at nicholetoms.com.

10 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing openly. I too have lost a dear close friend. The betrayal and loss are so painful. Many of your words could have been taken straight from my heart. It’s so beautiful how God uses us to help each other. Sincere thanks.

  2. I never knew the story behind the song. I love it even more now! Thank you for entrusting me to use my voice to sing your songs my friend. Love you!

  3. Wow, how precious to read your struggles, but even more so hear them. Your music is amazing.

  4. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing your heart!

  5. LOVED the article! So encouraging and a reminder of how God uses all circumstances, but usually ones that bring us to a place of calling out to Him, to reveal more of Him and our relationship grows deeper. Perfect timing (just as God planned).

  6. love love love this.. amazing revelation…

  7. I LOVE IT!!! Not to belittle the article, which is also great, but I want to know how I can buy your song so I can listen to it on my iPod.

  8. This song was awesome :)!!!! I love it :)!!! Love you and blessings and keep up the God work:)!!!

  9. Brooke Ackerman

    Love the article. Love the song. Love your voice. LOVE!

  10. Priscilla Tipeni

    What a beautiful song, and deep felt cry out to our King, Our God. I found myself singing and praising the same words after hearing the song, and hearing the passion in your cry to Our father. Thank you for sharing and encouraging us to invite him into our pain. It brought to mind some wonderful moments where I cried and he answered, where there was pain but then new life, new birth….Definitely listening to this song again!! It is a special reminder of how I must continue to invite him and soak in our relational intimacy daily.

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