God’s Word stands firm forever... except when you have a baby. I had no reason to think this way, to struggle to survive with such an erroneous perspective. Words I’d never say out loud but somehow came to believe. It happened two weeks after I arrived home with my newborn. I was sleep-deprived, weepy, and convinced of its reality. Call it my biological clock or simply inspiration of the heart; a few years into my marriage I developed a strong, passionate desire to become a mother. Two years of “trying,” a successful round of artificial insemination, and a full-term pregnancy behind me, the birth of my son remains one of the greatest moments of my life. Yet even an extensive amount of babysitting, parenting books, and friendly warnings failed to prepare me for the life changes ahead. Back in my single days, I heard the story of Susanna Wesley. Susanna raised 10 children in the 1600s, including the famous preachers John and Charles Wesley. With little time to herself, she was known to pull her apron over her head as a sign to her children that she was in prayer and should not be disturbed. Once upon a time, I admired this act. How disciplined, I thought. What a great example to her children. Now I hide in the bathroom, hoping my five-month-old will fall asleep if I’m out of his line of sight. I think Susanna ducked under her apron because she had to. In a small home, there was nowhere else to go. Even with all its joy and rewards, motherhood is hard. Moments of beauty do not erase the difficulties; they simply make them more worthwhile, and the early days with a newborn bring enough of both. Two weeks home from the hospital, I moved my entire life into my king-size bed. Littered with partially soaked spit up rags, baby blankets, and disheveled sheets, our new family took each day five minutes at a time. Between my husband, my baby, and me, I represented our best chance of success. And I felt the pressure, albeit, mostly self-imposed. Giving birth is the only medical procedure in the world where they send you home with another human to care for during your recovery. I questioned whether I would ever experience a night's sleep again. Going to the bathroom was a lengthy, stressful procedure, and I washed with soap and guilt every time I took a shower, hoping my son would sleep long enough for me to wash my hair. With everything going on, showers became the best time for me to talk with God. Humorous, I know, considering that I showered with stress and shame at my own selfishness for taking a few minutes by myself. My pre-baby prayer times of sweet coffee and worship in a clean, quiet home seemed impossible, so the Lord and I would talk in the shower, starting with my desperate plea to please let the baby sleep. While hot water pelted my back, God spoke five simple words to change my entire motherhood experience. “Let me show you something.” He started to remind me of the Scripture I believed. The promises that were true when the believers of biblical times were tested I had disregarded as impossible with an eight-pound bundle in tow. Unknowingly, unintentionally, somewhere in those first few days, I accepted defeat. I believed the heaviness of my circumstances outweighed the power of my Savior. I resolved that my problems were somehow too big for change and simultaneously too small for divine assistance. As if the Creator of the Universe didn’t understand the difficulties of motherhood, I refuted His promises. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28, NIV). “But I have an infant; I’m going to be tired. That’s just how life is now.” In His infinite grace, God let me linger there, pondering the idea that He couldn’t overcome a sleepless night to give me the energy I needed. Everyone knows life with a baby is tiring, so I accepted it as fact. I pitched my tent on the rock of “the way it is” instead of on the truth of who He is. Bit by bit, the Lord unveiled ways I believed the issues of motherhood stood outside His reach. Silent lies attached themselves to every moment like leeches. During worship on Sundays, Jesus would call me out, questioning if I truly believed the words coming from my mouth. We sing a song at Gateway Church called Grace That Won’t Let Go that says, “Grace unending / Grace unrelenting / Grace that won’t let go.” I trusted these words … except when it came to diapers. God’s grace could cover all my sins, all my mistakes, but I’d beat myself up for a diaper blowout I could have prevented. I never intentionally refuted the truth of Scripture. But my attitude and actions denied its validity. I accepted exhaustion … stress … struggle. Because that’s what happens when you’re a mother. In all my striving, the spit-ups and laundry, late nights and early mornings, I wanted to show something. Show myself I was capable. I could carry the burden and still handle it all. I committed to show my husband my strength and my strain, so he’d see me with admiration, compassion, and sympathy. I relished joining in with other moms, to commiserate in our difficulties, and based on our shared experiences, we perpetuated lies as truth. All that time, God wanted to show me something. To prove His words faithful in every area of my life, no matter what I faced. With every lie I believed, God offered His truth instead. Hey Momma, Let Me Show You: Rest A lack of sleep can’t prevent me from receiving rest from the Lord. “For [I] grant sleep to those [I] love” (Psalm 127:2b, NIV). Grace God’s grace covers my missteps, from dwindling patience to cutting skin when trying to clip newborn nails. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 2:9, NIV). Peace Even on the fussy days, the exhausted-can’t-figure-out-what’s-wrong days, I can live with peace. “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27, NIV). Wisdom I know so little. About child rearing, teething, healthcare, you name it. Thankfully, I’m not limited to my own understanding, or even my own research. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5, NIV). Competence More often than not, I have no clue what I’m doing. Praise the Lord, my confidence and competence doesn’t come from my own abilities. “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God” (2 Corinthians 3:4-5, NIV). Faithful Love The Lord’s love is always faithful, even in my moments of despair. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV). No matter if the day ahead holds the best milestones ever or I’m en route to cry on the bathroom floor, the Lord wants to show me something. To show me Himself. His unmatched provision. His unsurpassed love. Hey momma, what is He trying to show you?